Leaders carry the weight of more than their current roles.
We receive messages from the generations before us about our worth, work, and belonging that shape how we show up–for better or worse. This is just as true in our working lives as it is in our families.
If we want to change the narratives, we have to become aware of the legacy burdens–personal, familial, cultural, systemic–that have been passed down to us and choose to transform those burdens into opportunities for healing, growth, and leadership that alters the course of our teams and organizations for the better.
When we can name what we’ve absorbed–what doesn’t belong to our personal story but to those who came before us–we create space for healing and release. And from that place, we can hold onto our hope, lead with integrity, and stay grounded in what truly matters.
My guest today is a dear colleague and friend who is here to talk with me about the impact of generational messaging on our leadership, and how we can begin to dismantle these narratives for ourselves and in our organizations.
Crystal R. Jones is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Lead IFS-I Trainer who passionately spreads the healing essence of the IFS model worldwide. Known for her embodied compassion, relatability, and heart-led approach to her work, Crystal has personally experienced the transformative power of the IFS model in her own healing journey. This profound experience fuels Crystal’s dedication to creating safe spaces for marginalized communities, particularly Black women and women of color, to feel connected, seen, heard, and valued as they embark on their healing journeys individually and collectively. Crystal is fervently committed to teaching the model in a way that illuminates and speaks to BIPOC communities, ensuring its adaptability, accessibility, and relevance to diverse populations.
Listen to the full episode to hear:
- How legacy burdens are passed through families and cultures as messages of survival
- How Crystal reckons with cultural burdens by choosing to show up imperfectly and with vulnerability
- Self-reflection questions to help you identify and consider legacy burdens
- How belonging and shame show up when working with legacy burdens
- How Crystal is shifting workplace narratives for her teams and in her trainings
Learn more about Crystal Jones:
Learn more about Rebecca:
- rebeccaching.com
- Work With Rebecca
- The Unburdened Leader on Substack
- Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email
Resources:
- EP 139: Bad Bosses Aren’t Born, They’re Made: Breaking Toxic Leadership Cycles with Mita Mallick
- EP 102: Toxic Leadership: The True Cost of Workplace Trauma with Mita Mallick
- Black Liturgies: Prayers, Poems, and Meditations for Staying Human, Cole Arthur Riley
- Alex Isley
- Orange Is the New Black
Favorite Moments
“Legacy burdens are the messages we inherited to survive — but what once kept us safe can keep us small if we never question it.”
“I don’t want to have to experience pain to make gains in my life. I don’t want to experience pain — period.”
“Belonging and shame keep legacy burdens alive. The moment we say, ‘I don’t want to do this anymore,’ we risk losing love — and that fear keeps the cycle going.”
“Our heirlooms are the gifts of our inheritance — the things passed down with love and intention. They remind us who we are when everything feels uncertain.”
“Leadership means holding a vision and our humanity at the same time.”
“When I lead from my humanity, I invite others to lead from theirs.”
“We weren’t meant to lead alone. Community and connection are what help us hold the weight of leadership.”
Conversation Highlights
02:00 — What Are Legacy Burdens?
Crystal defines legacy burdens as inherited fears, beliefs, and patterns passed down through generations to help people survive hardship — and how those messages still shape our systems today.
05:00 — The Phrases That Shape Us
“No pain, no gain.” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” “You have to be a hundred times better.”
Crystal unpacks how these cultural mantras become internalized burdens that influence how we work, parent, and lead.
09:00 — Recognizing Cultural Legacy Burdens
Rebecca and Crystal explore how these inherited patterns extend beyond families into workplaces and institutions, normalizing grind culture and power imbalances.
12:00 — Facing the Fear of Not Enough
Crystal shares her personal reckoning with the belief that she had to be perfect to lead — and how embracing her neurodivergence allowed her to lead with authenticity and heart.
17:00 — Legacy Heirlooms: The Gifts We Keep
Crystal introduces the concept of legacy heirlooms — values and wisdom passed down with intention — including her grandmother’s mantra: “Treat people right.”
20:00 — When Burdens Justify Harm
The conversation turns toward how cultural and historical burdens have been used to justify harm and oppression, and the conscious effort it takes to break those cycles.
23:00 — Belonging, Shame, and the Fear of Change
Crystal names how shame and belonging reinforce harmful norms — and how choosing a different path can feel like risking exile from family or community.
28:00 — Shifting Systems Without Losing Our Roots
Together, Rebecca and Crystal discuss what it means to carry forward what’s worth keeping while transforming what no longer serves. (Rebecca connects this to the idea of becoming a transitional character — a person who interrupts generational or cultural cycles to lead differently.)
34:00 — Leadership as a Collective Practice
Crystal shares how decentering grind culture, prioritizing rest, and leading with transparency transform teams — and why leadership isn’t meant to be a solo act.
41:00 — The Ongoing Work of Awareness
The episode closes with an invitation to keep naming what’s been inherited, honoring what’s worth keeping, and leading from wholeness rather than from the weight of the past.
Crystal reminded me that healing isn’t about cutting ties with where we come from, but about noticing which messages we want to carry forward and which ones we’re finally ready to release.
This conversation is for every leader who’s ever felt the pull between belonging and becoming, who’s learning that breaking old cycles doesn’t mean betraying your roots.
🎧 Listen Now
👉 Full conversation with Crystal Jones on The Unburdened Leader podcast
💌 Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
What legacy messages have you inherited about leadership, work, or worth that you’re ready to question—or retire entirely?
Click Reply and tell me, or drop a comment on High Stakes: An Unburdened Leader Dispatch.
I want to hear from you. 💛
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