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Conflict and discomfort are inevitable–in all areas of our work and life. 

Now, most of us carry some kind of relational or betrayal trauma.

And these burdens impact how we lead and move through conflict, discomfort, and difference. 

So when a rupture happens, there is often a rush to find comfort with some kind of a bid for repair. But if we do not do the work to reflect on our own systems’ needs first, we can end up doing more harm and continue to feel hooked by a situation.

Without this internal reflection, we can often default to actions that result in the opposite of our desired intention.

But this work gives us more choices and when we have more choices, we are less likely to feel trapped, panicked, and stuck. 

And when we feel like we have more agency in our relationships, we feel more connected and close to those we lead and love. 

Toni Herbine-Blank is the founder and director of the Intimacy from the Inside Out© training programs. She is a senior trainer for IFS-I and has been developing curriculum for the application of IFS to couples therapy for many years. She teaches nationally and internationally, delivering workshops and trainings for therapists interested in using IFS with multiple systems. She has co-authored two books on her methodology and enjoys time with her partner and her animals in the mountains of Durango, Colorado where she lives.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

  • Why the ability to differentiate ourselves from our partnerships is necessary for connection
  • Why the Intimacy from the Inside Out process starts with a U-turn toward the self
  • How the U-turn subverts the protective urge to blame and shame in moments of conflict
  • How our early wounds around getting our needs met impact our adult relationships
  • Why shame is the most common source of relationship rupture
  • Why the existence of conflict in a relationship isn’t the problem, but the way we pursue repair can be

Learn more about Toni Herbine-Blank:

Learn more about Rebecca:

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meet the founder

I’m Rebecca Ching, LMFT.

I help change-making leaders get to the root of recurring struggles and get confidently back on track with your values, your vision, and your bottom line. 

I combine psychotherapeutic principles, future-forward coaching, and healthy business practices to meet the unique needs and challenges of highly-committed leaders in a high-stakes world.

This is unburdened leadership

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Trauma

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We watch leaders crash & burn all the time. We watch with morbid fascination as leaders fall out of grace because their unaddressed pain led them on an unsustainable path of poor choices–even dangerous and deadly choices–to avoid feeling the vulnerability of rejection. Those times when you experienced the pain of rejection leave their mark […]

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EP 21: Leading With Body Resilience with Co-Author of More Than A Body, Lindsay Kite, PhD

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EP 19: Defining Your Own Version Success with Natalie Borton, Founder of Natalie Borton Designs

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EP 17: Community Over Competition with Co-Founder of The Rising Tide Society Natalie Franke

Community over competition is indeed a well-worn hashtag. The cynical can dismiss it. Those beat up by year after year of injustice understandably call BS. But in practice, leading with the lens of community over competition is subversive and culture-shifting. Community over competition requires deep life-long work to unburden the load we carry of scarcity […]

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EP 02: How Self-Leadership Saves You From The Relentless Drive To Succeed with Dr. Richard Schwartz

My body was telling me to take a step back and reevaluate. Five years ago I had pneumonia and I couldn’t really do anything other than prop myself up on the couch and breathe… …breathe and think about how I ended up in this mess I’d run myself into the ground. My schedule was full-to-overflowing. […]

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And clearing the way for a more innovative, inclusive future.

Unburdened Leaders are breaking
cycles of workplace burnout…

Are you about this, too? Let’s meet and see if I’m your coach – no expectations. Just connection.